Written by don hamstre of Schiavi di Don
  
  6th of May, Apeldoorn, The Netherlands. A beautiful day, pleasantly warm temperatures, clouds are nowhere to be seen. Amidst a crowd watching some minor cycling competition, we overhear a striking conversation. ‘So, how are we going to make sure nobody notices our fraud at the OCM Awards this season?’, says a very thin guy wearing incredibly dodgy sunglasses. ‘First things first’, responds a man wearing a Bermudan flag, ‘we still have to decide which riders and teams paid us in the best way and will get the Awards’. We decide to hide behind a very tall guy standing next to them and keep listening. This could be the story of the century.
  
  ‘Best Cobbler is easy, Lucas Loudon sent us the hotel room tickets for a weekend in Siena he won at the Strade dell’Eroica’, said the thin guy. ‘Yeah, I’ll have to agree with that, he deserved the Sieuwerd Schimmel Trophy for Best Cobbler with that gift, and the Belgian chocolates his manager sent to me were quite nice as well’, the Bermudan added.
  
  ‘My friends of the Colombian underworld would be very pleased if Foncho Reto won the Gregory Levis Trophy for Best Time Trialer. But some Australian bloke came and threatened me to make Skogstad or Everearts win, what should we do?’. The Bermudan, who was clearly the smarter of the two, replied: ‘We’ll please the Australian guy by pretending he’ll win Best Australian, so Reto can win Best Time Trialer’. And so it was decided.
  
  ‘Well, Best Hiller isn’t that hard, those Norwegians are way to cheap to pay us for a Holter victory. Luckily for him, Sebastiano Catalan had some Catalunyan funders to support him, I absolutely loved the Barcelona match he sent us to’ ‘Agreed, The Truman Vancil Trophy for Best Hiller will go to Sebastiano Catalan’.
  
  The conversation was interrupted for a short while as the crowd was being entertained by a fat lady refusing to move her butt off an inflatable advertisement. After a while it was clear she wasn’t to be moved and everyone became bored with her. The fraudulent talk continued.
  ‘Good thing that nobody noticed the huge amounts of cash Einar sent us to make Otto Skoglund win. Because they were certainly big enough to give him The Jan-Joost Dussel Trophy for Best Sprinter. I think we should ask him to pay more for some extra Awards, we might be able to get a lot more out of him.’ Right after the thin guy had said this, his bodyguard walked away and started to a phone conversation. I got the feeling that talks with CCFC headquarters were far from finished.
  
  ‘Eusebiusz Jastrzebski had to pay us enormous amounts the get the Sterling Dorsher Trophy for Best Climber, because not having

to pronounce his name during the Awards ceremony would be worth a few millions to me’. ‘He won me over with a nice cruise to the North Pole though, I’ve always wanted to see the Northern Lights. The Award is his!’
  
  The bodyguard returned, and whispered a message in the hamster-like man’s ear. ‘Ah, Skoglund is willing to pay us enough to make us give him the Elias Márquez Trophy for Best Tour Rider. I guess the Swiss didn’t give us a nice enough clock any way. Negotiations about more Awards are still on the way though,so we might get even more Norwegian Krones today!’
  
  ‘Jerry Grundin has been a good business partner for so many seasons now, I think he deserves to get Best Old Rider because of that’, the Bermudan said. ‘Yeah, he even sends me a birthday gift of pear cider every year, such a nice fellow. This is the least we can give to show him our appreciation’.
  
  While the two were talking, the cycling race had started. Whenever a Dutch guy passed by, the noise rose and it got harder for me to keep following the conversation. Stupid nationalistic opportunists. I might be missing the scoop of the millennium because of them. Ha, one of the Dutchies almost crashed, that should make them ease off.
  
  ‘Those Breakthrough Candidates are the worst paying customers ever, they should learn to respect our authority better. Usually they get it after a few seasons, but I always need to put a lot of pressure on them. Luckily we can give Breakthrough Rider to someone who deserved it. Birhan Kigan was kind enough to let us have an amazing Safari at the Kruger on his account!’ ‘Yeah, that was quite nice indeed, we even got to take the rest of our committee with us, he totally deserves to get the Award’.
  
  ‘Breakthrough team is even easier, we can just give it to one of your Bermudan friends!’ ‘I promised PVAXX to get him this, so that he has a nice Award to put next to his Mismanagement ones in football’. ‘Pfft, Football, one big corrupt pile of crap those FIFA people. Luckily we still know how to treat Awards with the dignity it deserves.’
  
  Suddenly, the crowd went silent. One of the Dutch favorites had crashed. Even the fat lady sitting on the advertising balloon was startled. Our two evil masterminds had no intention of stopping their mischievous deals though.
  
  ‘Best Downhill Rider has generated a lot of funds over the short while it is part of the Awards. It was a close race, but in the end I think Eleonor Berka’s bid just edged that of his competitors.’ ‘Indeed, Berka has shown his loyalty to the Committee, he should get the Award.’
  
  Another crash happened in front of us. This time, it was quite

comical, as it made a spectator fall off his chair into some bushes. I was distracted, which was a critical mistake, because I heard them talking about Best Manager Outside Top Division, but missed a name. Drat. I needed to focus again.
  
  ‘Talking about surprises, I didn’t expect the Vietnamese to pay us that well. Although most of the money in support of Cao Huixiong for Best Rider Outside Top Division must have come from China.’ ‘His first attempts of paying us in noodles were a bit shabby, but after some good talks,he has persuaded us. A very deserving winner.’
  
  The bodyguard returned from his phone call again. He whispered his message in the thin dude’s ear again, and his face lit up. ‘Good news, my fellow-chairman. Skoglund is willing to pay us 25 million Norwegian Krones if we let him win Best Young Rider and the Äme Anderberg Trophy for Best Rider of the Season!’ ‘Well, I think we have a deal then. Always nice doing business with an OCM Administrator.’
  ‘So, did Avataria pay us enough again for Best Manager?’ ‘Well, he kind off threatened to ban me if I kept asking for money, so I think it is time to give the Award for Best Manager to someone else for a change.’ ‘I think I know just the guy, Sortland, he has been very helpful with my move to Norway, so he seems a worthy recipient.’ ‘Wasn’t he the guy that kept vomiting at the Awards Gala?’ ‘Well, there must be a time of forgiveness. Don’t forget, we are an honest Committee, keeping our core values in mind all the time. I think we should let him have this one.’
  
  The race had ended, some Dutch guy had won, and they started to walk back to the train station again. I followed them, pretending to be a stalker.
  
  ‘Before we forget, the Award for Best WT Manager, should we just give it to The Netherlands, just because we can? ‘Yeah, that should annoy the heck out of the French, let’s do that’.
  
  The long guy and the Bermudan said goodbye to the thin guy and his bodyguard at the train station and it was time for me to start running away, as the bodyguard was giving me angry looks. I just caught their last message to each other though.
  
  ‘Don’t forget, Best Manager Outside Top Division is mine!’
  
  I had to keep this information to myself for almost two months, because of concerns to my personal safety. But now I’ve finally found the courage to take this dark case into the light. The people I had heard talking were of course, co-Chairman of the OCM Awards Committee Llotyhy, and Chairman of the same Committee Don Hamstre. But wait, I am Don Hamstre. Why am I actually telling this again? Oh well, see you next season at the completely fair OCM Awards!