Written by JonhatanHernandez of
Hello ladies and gentlemen this is the Late Show with Johnathan Hernandez!
We are back for a third season! First of all I want to congratulate Alexandru Buciu for his amazing job as guest host! He was plainly amazing. But know you´ve got me back, but let´s speak about some news. Froome more red than I am when I go upstairs (so tiring lol) in La Vuelta and appears to be headed to his first title, after pulling out a Sagan three times before. We´ve also got the Tour of Britain coming up, and hopefully Cav will not invent unexisting sprint lines this time. But enough of lame jokes, and let´ps head straight to what you guys actually! And today we´ve got a very special guest. Do not worry, he promised he would be as polite as possible. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the one, the only Finz!
JHDZ: To start it off, how are you?
FINZ: Hello, thank you for asking me for the show and this question. Indeed, I was a bit annoyed that I was not asked earlier, as the most important guy around I should have been asked before but I forgave you, you were new here and did not know about things. I am a forgiving person you know, and Nikita told me that you were a nice guy, so I punched a puppy instead. After that I am usually fine, like I am now. Although, there is still something that bothers me, but that is OCM unrelated. I had to take my couch to the dry cleaners, it had a stain on it after a lady friend visited. The chat people know the story about it, so I guess I should never mention it anymore.
JHDZ: Okay? Let´s just go to the next one. Why the acid sarcasm?
FINZ: Sarcasm? No, you are mistaken between cynical and sarcasm. That is ok though, most people do, most people are idiots too.
JHDZ: What has been your favorite experience or moment in OCM?
FINZ: I once dropped down to division I don't know, and I had to do nothing for 3 months. I explored myself in that time, it was nice.
JHDZ: Are you actually Russian?
FINZ: I am living with Nikita in Novosibirsk, we rent a 4 room apartment in the center, she does pay the
rent though. It is her house and I moved in when she was on holidays. She loves me and I took advantage of that. Now we are talking about starting a family together, she does not know about why I moved in and now I am to deep into things to back down. I guess I screwed myself big time on this one.
JHDZ: What makes you like cycling?
FINZ: Wearing Lycra. It is like walking in the nude and everything is visible but it is still legal. I usually go to work by bike once a week and than I walk into the office wearing nothing but my Lycra cycling outfit. I love the attention and I know that the ladies are looking at my butt. Because that is a good sight. They are firm and round but not big, more like masculine, Adonis' like. I don't care about it but some women told me. I slept with them so I know
JHDZ: What is your favorite IRL race?
FINZ: The race towards the inevitable, the big light at the end of the road. Death.
JHDZ: I actually have an issue with this. I am very afraid of death, because of that. It isinevitable. We do the same evryday for nothing, because at the end we will just not be forevermore. That scares the shit away of me. There is a phrase from George Watsky I like. It says like this: "Cause if we could see the stars If we could see the context of the universe in which we exist And we could see how small each one of us is Against the vastness of what we don’t know No one would ever audition for a McDonalds commercial again And then where would we be? No frozen dinners and no TV And is that a world we want to text in?" Well let´s just get back to cycling lol. What do you dislike in OCM?
FINZ: People telling me that I am wrong
JHDZ: Who is your favorite OCM rider and manager?
FINZ: Slavomil Dittrich (371759) I would marry him if I could but Nikita does not let me, but I would.
Favorite manager would be me, because I am awesome.
JHDZ:What would you improve in this game?
FINZ: I do not know, it is very basic but that is the charm of the game. A complete calender with many races and tours on any level would be nice. I once mentioned a regional difference between the many divisions but in the end, this is fine. A 2d race simulation (or 3d) would make this game perfect though. Nick, wake up, make a 2d simulation on the race engine!
JHDZ: Any plans for the future of your
FINZ: Nah, I stick to cobbles so I have no future, therefor there is no need to plan.
I´ll give you two subjects and you will have to tell me what has been googled more. Here we go!
JHDZ: "The Wire" has 450,000 average monthly searches, is "Rottweiler" googled more?
FINZ: Duh, The Wire is more, I have no idea about it but Rottweilers are dogs that remind me of the second World War, you know, the Germans vs the Jews and America. Besides, I do not like dogs because they are evil.
JHDZ:That´s right! "Huffington Post" has 6,120,000 average monthly searches, is "Torture" google more?
FINZ: Torture has more. I was on band camp once and all we did was.... well, you should go on band camp if you can. The flute section is where to stay.
JHDZ: I know you did not like to hear this..but you are wrong hehe. Torture has 300,000. "Vietnam" has 1,220,000 average monthly searches, is "American Life" googled more?
FINZ: Nah, Vietnam is best, American Life is like being European but than stupid and Europeans are more open minded, they want to go to Vietnam for a six month backpack holiday but do not go because they get a job and do not want to lose the pay and thus keep reminding themselves about that lost moment in their life when they could go to Vietnam and did not, so they keep searching to torment themselves with psychological pain and remind themselves about what losers they are in the end for not going to Vietnam. And Americans do not have good internet anyway.
JHDZ: Correctamundo! 3/5"Finding Nemo" has 550,000 average monthly searches, is "Las Vegas" googled more?
FINZ: Nope, Las Vegas has more. You know what they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, thus people have to look it up to see if it is still there. Because they could not bring it home with them.
JHDZ: Nice! Correct again."Beagle" has 1,220,000 average monthly searches, is "Solar Panels" googled more?
FINZ: Beagle has more. Solar Panels are good for the environment and are used to make sustainable energy. Beagles are dogs. Dogs are stupid and so is men. Thus Beagle is searched more.
JHDZ: Das ist richtig! 4/5. Not bad Finz. Plaese everyone a huge applause for Finz, and I will wee ya, on the next one!