Online: 24
01:17 GMT         Day 65 of 90, Season 61    

OCM Awards Gala S59
by Yuri, at 26/2-22 - 21:52 GMT


  Written by Don, MW, Frank, paceuts, Williamson, dustin, wronskian, and Erwinator
  
  The glorious end to the season for some, motivation to do better next season for others. The Awards Gala is the place to be. It has also proven to be quite dangerous to visit. But, this season, it was all going to go according to plan. No stunts, no games, no haunted house. Just a regular old show. To make this happen, I had invited a seven professional hosts; Williamson (LAW), Erwinator, MW, dustin, wronskian, paceuts, and Frank. Let’s start our evening with Williamson!
  
  LAW: Finally, what we’ve been expecting for days after picking our favourites *coughs and giggles in the background*. Yeah, our favourites… *stern look*… now it is my pleasure to announce the name of the best… “flat roader”? We need a better name honestly, and with 36 votes, the trophy for the best Flat Road Rider of S59 goes to… *suffers a lot to undo the seal*… Leo Calderone!
  
  *Usual applause from the crowd*
  
  *Hands the trophy to Leo, a slight smile in his face*
  
  LAW: Congratulations Leo, well deserved after all the effort and racing, any words?
  
  *The lights blinked for a second, and then darkness. After a short 10 second period, all goes back to normal and Leo is gone*
  
  LAW: A man of few words, people. But all genius are, an applause for the Flat Road Rider of the Season.
  
  Don: Such a nice start to the evening! Still\ everyone should probably check their wallets, that Leo guy is quick! Time for our next category!
  
  LAW: Back again, this time I will introduce to all of you the name of the winner of U23 Award, for the best young rider of our calendar *Coughs*. It was a very close result *sarcasm* and yes, most of you would agree it's been an unexpected result. So, the trophy for the best U23 rider of the season goes to… to… Tom Faubert!!!
  
  *Applauses and Tom comes to grab his trophy*
  
  TF: Thank you, but it’s Foubert.
  LAW: Yes, I believe you must be very happy with this great achievement to highlight your season?
  TF: Indeed, the U23 tour in Spain was an amazing experience and I wasn’t expecting I would be so strong, despite my top form.
  
  *Awkward silence from interviewer after realizing Tom’s mistake*
  
  LAW: Of course, ladies and gentlemen, Tom Faubert, Best U23 Rider of S59!
  TF: It’s Foubert… *mumbled quietly*
  LAW: Here says Faubert. Tom Foubert, great rider! *Exclaimed to public*. Now is time to get back to Don’s, who has a very good surprise for all OCM Managers *wink*.
  
  Don: Thank you Williamson! And how nice of you to introduce my surprise, I was just about to announce it!
  (I start frantically looking for something on the podium that coul;d give me an idea)
  Ah, yes, well, the surprise…. Every manager gets a free ticket to next seasons Awards Gala! And don’t tell me it was free already, I was just about to make it paid, so this is technically a gift!
  Anyway, it’s time for Erwinator to take over the show!
  
  Erwinator: To hand out the award for best cobbler, we invite Spanish cobble legend Cristobal Zubizarreta to the podium. Cristobal is the only rider who won the award more than its namegivers. “Welcome Cristobal, go ahead.” “Thanks Erwinator, not sure I know you. Anyway, the winner is.. Luciano Abbamonti!” [… silence and murmuration all around… The Erwinator steps up and whispers in Cristobals ear] “What you say… I can’t pick him myself? Who? Venjamin Fortez? No way I’m going to announce this. Adios!” The Erwinator: “Oh ehm, yeah, ehm…. So, without further ado, the winner is … Benjamim Fontes! Congratulations Benjamim!” Benjamim: “Neither good winds nor good marriages come from Spain, right? That’s why I never race there. Thanks anyhow, means the world to me. And please, to save me some travels, can I take the thing for the current season as well now?”
  
  Don: Hahaha, how stupid do you have to be to misspell someone’s name that badly! I can’t imagine anyone else would do that. But what’s next Erwinator? Ah, it’s the Grigor Lewis Trophy for Best Time Trialer!
  
  “The winner of the award for best time trialist goes to no one else than Mister Maximum Maxi!!” [Two guys stand up overjoyed, out of themselves of happiness..]. “Ah sorry, no not you Maximiliaan, you got 1 vote, probably from your own manager. No no no, ofcourse we have to hand out the award to the no. 27 of the last WC ITT. What a man! Well done, Maximino Satariano!”. Maxi? “Yeah, I would like to thank my wife and children, my parents, my mental coach, president George Vella for the facilities in Malta, all the great staff of Siverbo, my manager, and the other guys at the team who really raised the TT-bar for me.”
  
  Don: Awkward… No worries Maximillian, we have a smaller version of the trophy that you can get for a friendly price of $12.000. Thanks to Erwinator, and I hand the mic over to our next host, MW!
  
  MW: Please welcome Berhold Ketjijere, the winner of The Eleonor Berka Trophy for Best Downhiller.
  "Hi Berhold, congrats with your award."
  "Are you happy with your win?"
  "Yes, I'm very happy. I'm so happy I would like to make a high jump."
  Berhold makes his jump and oh no the stage broke and he fell right into the hole.
  "Berhold are you ok? Where are you?"
  Manager Goege is sweating and comes to the stage and looks very

nervous.
  Some crew members are helping Berhold out of the hole.
  There he is.
  "Here is your award and please no jumping anymore."
  
  Don: Good old Berhold, last season he fell off the podium as well! He has a real talent for falling, maybe he should do some parachute jumps? Next category please MW!
  
  MW: Please welcome Dean Jepsen, winner of The Aleksander Hetland Trophy for Best Hiller.
  "Hi Dean, congrats with your award." "Look out for the hole and for the extension cable over there."
  Ai too late. Dean stumbles over the cable and falls off the stage right in the lap of the wife of Schiavi di Don.
  Oh no. The Don doesn't like that and shouts to Dean to get rid of his wife.
  Dean looks a little bit confused and walks back to the stage.
  "Are you ok Dean? What a fall."
  "Yes I'm ok."
  "I'm glad you're ok. Here is your award and please be careful."
  
  Don: Since when do I have a wife? This is news to me. I really need to train my memory better… I also forgot what the next category is, can you help me dustin?
  
  dustin: Please enter the podium for the Jan-Joost Dussel Trophy for Best Sprinter, come Fabio, Douglas and Elias, give them an applause, sorry Joop, no place for you.
  
  Jicky Nonkers: "No place for Joop, that must be a mistake, 3 sprint stages in the most important tour and also won there the sc, this can be true, what corrupt award show is this."
  Douglas Brasil: "How can that old man win the trophy, he needs a walker. I was the best, I deserved it, so many wins."
  
  On the podium Douglas took the award away from Fabio and say "that is my award, I am better then you".
  
  Elias: "Come on guys, stay calm, it is only an award show."
  Michael (EST): "Ladies and Gentlemen, please a moment, I have to intervene."
  
  And the winner is Fabio Borges. Congratulations, what a season again.
  
  Adilson Silva: "Happy with the win of my rider, but what was this, ridiculas."
  Fabio Borges: "A good season, but I want to race for team dustin, more riders of my age."
  Adilson: "No, not to team dustin."
  
  Don: dustin, are you trying to use the Awards to recruit riders? How sneaky, I love it! Time to move on though.
  
  
  dustin: Please enter the podium for the Sterling Dorsher Trophy for Best Climber, come Todd, Ruslan and Kholadeth, sorry Tom, no place for you.
  
  Tom: "Expected that, I know I was not a first choice, I was nominated by the award members, thanks for that."
  
  What happened there on the podium, is that a fall, an accident or an incident, or ... see it not good, was going so fast, Todd on the ground and Ruslan took the award from out of the sky, and yell, I have the award."
  
  Eivind Bjerke: "what an idiot, how can you fall from a podium, how hilarious, shame you for my team."
  Nooky Lair: "I think he has broken his leg. Nick/Don, we need an ambulance."
  Eivind: "He has nothing, he must race coming week, that is planned."
  Kholadeth: "I am bored, the team is boring."
  Hairingtons: "The award show is boring."
  
  Nick or Don shall bring the award to the hospital.
  
  Todd McVanblarcom from out of the hospital: "I want to team dustin."
  
  Don: Ok then…. Probably time to move on to your categories wronskian?
  
  wronskian: Next we have the Elias Márquez Trophy for Best Tour Rider. And after some heated competition with Kody Truman, Jeremy O'Pizan takes it!
  
  [...]
  
  Guys, guys, I'm sorry, no, there's a mistake. Kody Truman, you guy won Best Tour Rider! This is not a joke, I'm afraid I read the wrong thing. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be funny. So, Kody, how you feel about winning Best Tour Rider?
  
  Great, I hope Diogo gets injured more often. Thank you!
  
  Don: I thought you were a professional wronskian, How can you be so stupid! The name of the winner was engraved on the trophy already for crying out loud! You better not mess up on the next one!
  
  Wronskian (nervously): And the award for Best Tour Team has been as close as it gets between Alpine and Nairobi City Cycling Club. But Alpine finally takes it! Please Snowbear, the team's manager, come on stage.
  
  (Snowbear climbs the stairs to stage, trips over and falls, he is alright, but Diogo Carneiro, who is sitting comfortably 10 rows away from the action, gets injured as a consequence. Snowbear accepts the prize)
  
  How do you feel about being named Best Tour Team? With your current focus shifting towards SP and CB, is this something we can expect you to repeat?
  
  Yes, why not, as long as our tour riders stay healthy (looks at Carneiro ...) well ehm err we'll do our best.
  
  Don: Thanks wronskian, I can’t blame you for Diego’s injury-proneness. Next up, it’s paceuts, the floor is yours!
  
  
  
  paceuts: “To present the Ian Defley Trophy for Best Old Rider, please welcome five-time winner Gale Reason!”
  Gale: “Thanks very much! I’m so excited to announce that Fabio Borges is once again the winner for best young rider.”
  paceuts: “Surely, you mean best old

rider?”
  Gale: “Best old rider? Ha! Hardly so! I would beat Fabio any day of the week!”
  Fabio: “Ha! See you at Roubaix next year then!”
  paceuts: “Now then, let’s move on to the award for best young rider. To present this award, someone more REASONable I hope, please welcome the first ever winner of the award, Vernon Kings! Vernon, the stage is yours!”
  Vernon: “The stage? What stage?”
  paceuts: “Vernon, we talked about this in the rehearsal, remember. You need to go to the podium over there and read the name in the envelope you’re holding.”
  Vernon: “Oh, right. The envelope, yes. Just a moment.”
  Vernon slowly walks towards the podium.
  paceuts: “Please forgive Vernon everybody, at his age it’s a miracle if he remembers what day of the week it is”
  Vernon: “Okay, here goes. The winner of best young rider is Jeremy O'Pizan! Congratulations Jeremy!”
  Jeremy jumps out of his seat, runs towards the podium, and leaps onto the stage. Unfortunately, he hits his knee on the way up and falls. He gets up quickly, pretending nothing has happened, and choses to take the stairs instead.
  Jeremy: “Thanks very much for this award. I can’t wait to buy some video games with the prize money!”
  
  Don: This time you get to keep the Award Jeremy! But who told you there would be prize money?
  Time for our final host of the night, Frank Holwerda!
  
  Frank: And now it is time for the Award for Best Rider Outside Top Division.
  The nominees were: Arnoldo Fava, Douglas Brasil, Tom Pepping and Xalbador Varela.
  And the winner is... Douglas Brasil!
  Congratulations Douglas, here is your prize, it is a miniature race bike! And look, the steering wheels actually steers! O wait, it didn't, I am so sorry. Well anyway, here it is, enjoy!
  
  The Award for Best WT Rider is a nice category, with unexpected nominees and unexpected winners. It is also a chance for smaller WT nations to give their riders a podium. So we will see who will take the price this time. Just let me get the envelope with the results, I have it right here... or here. No not there, maybe in this pocket... No, o my, I think I have lost it somewhere. Can somebody get me the results somehow so that I can, o... it is already on the big screen. O well, congratulations Xalbador Varela!
  
  Don: Apologies for the slide show Frank, I will fire the intern responsible! Tiem to stop trusting interns or so-called professional presenters. I’ll do the rest of the categories myself! And you might have thought it was rude of me to cut you off Frank, but I hope I can make it up to you by telling you the Award for best WT manager goes to you! What a season you had with the Netherlands!
  
  The Award for Best One Nation Team is next, and I’ve heard it’s Erwinators favourite category! You sure you don’t want to present this one Erwinator? No?
  And the winner is…. Goege Team! Congratulations to the great Namibian team for his first victory in this category.
  (Don waits for Goege to enter the podium, but nothing happens)
  I’m sorry dear audience, it appears that Goege made the mistake of eating from our free buffet. His stomach must be used to eating Namibian food only, since he clearly couldn’t handle our fine assortment of high-class snacks.
  
  Moving on to the Award for Best Young Team of the season! And to keep this part of the show interesting for kids of their age, I have written a rap to announce the results! ‘Yo yo yo it’s Don on fire. Spitting bars like Llamas for hire. I am hip and cool and slick, and you all know what makes me tick! It’s the fresh blood of the game, it’s the very first time to claim your fame! Celebrate with whipping cream, it’s the Award for Best Young Team! In third place they’re true fanatics, live from Vilnius, it's CT Baltics. 2nd place and they’ve got guts, clap your hands for Lindfield Locknuts. But taking the bacon and winning solo, stand up and applaud our winner Remco!
  
  (Ten full minutes of silence later)
  
  I am so happy that you all liked my performance so much. I should do this more often! Time for the next category though, and it’s the Community Contribution Award! Congratulations to all the nominees for being great persons who make this game a better place! But the winner of the Award this season is Jime!
  
  Two more categories, Best Manager and best Rider. Let’s start with the Managers. As usual, four very deserving nominees, but only one can win, and that winner is Snowbear! I must say I was surprised to see Tossboom lose out on this one. I guess he has to do better than 1st place next season? All credit to Snowbear though, because he did have more stand-out results. I’m sure we’ll see these two fighting it out for this category next season as well!
  
  And finally, the Äme Anderberg trophy for Best rider of the season. This season, we had an open vote, so no nominees. Anyone in the audience can win this one! How exciting. Let’s see, 3rd place with 4 votes goes to Douglas Brasil! And then, 2nd place with 5 votes goes to Benjamin Fontes! Wow, the number one of the rankings, won a classic, surely he’d get more votes than just 5? Let me look at the winner…
  And the winner is, Benjamim Fontes with 15 votes! Congrats to him for beating his misspelt self. ;)
  
  That is the end of the evening folks, thank you all for your attendance, and thanks to guest presenters wronskian, poaceuts, MW, Erwinator, dustin, Williamson, and Frank without whom this all would have been very boring. See you all next season!



Comments


Navarone Cycling Team at 22:30 26/2-2022
  #riggedElection


Amstel Flanders at 00:49 27/2-2022
  Very nice. I liked the part of the 12k for the trophy. Congratulations to all winners and poor runner up.


Cokol Breakaway Team at 13:25 27/2-2022
  Thanks for writing the article, it was fun to read!


paceuts at 17:15 27/2-2022
  Wait so who won Best Climber? :D


Schiavi di Don at 18:51 27/2-2022
  Your fellow Canadian won. ;)


paceuts at 19:30 27/2-2022
  Yoohoo!


Silenzio at 10:21 28/2-2022
  I thought it would be humorous this time :{
  
  Kidding, great read. Thanks all.


Schiavi di Don at 10:29 28/2-2022
  I decided to make it serious high art this time, just look at the rap!


Silenzio at 12:05 28/2-2022
  I always quit when the singlenationthing is announced, so probably the rap came after and I missed it?


Schiavi di Don at 12:31 28/2-2022
  Hahaha, touché


Team Formand United at 17:56 28/2-2022
  Some links to the riders could be nice.


Team Chili at 02:18 1/3-2022
  clap clap


Zalom at 07:22 1/3-2022
  Fun read, thank you for your time and work! Varela is very happy with his trophy. Not his mother, actually, who received him at home after the gala with a "don't even think for a second I will be cleaning the dust from that thing".


Lindfield Locknuts at 02:33 3/3-2022
  Good fun and honoured to get a 2nd place. Probably didn’t need a rap though!