Written by Don Hamstre, Peter Marcelo, Frank Holwerda, MW, The Erwinator, MoxRacing, paceuts, Donald, dustin, and wronskian
  
  Ah, the Awards Gala. The place to be to meet the most glamorous and famous people. Or well, at least among nerds and cyclists. Somehow it never really seems to be like other gala’s. Something always goes wrong, something weird always happens. So this season, we decided to be smart. We were going to plan things going wrong and weird things happening.
  Instead of just giving people the prizes, we told our guest hosts that they would need to let the winners really earn their prizes in some fun and games. However, some of them took that a bit differently than others. This resulted in the following chaos:
  
  The night started off nice, as I passed the microphone to the first Guest Host of the evening, Frank Holwerda. He had prepared some nice and fun quiz questions for his first winner, which was exactly the kind of light entertainment to start the evening on the right foot.
  
  Frank: For the award for Best Flat Road Rider we have Eric Brink, reigning Best Flat Road Rider, to announce the winner.
  Eric: Thank you, it is an honor for me to be here although I would have loved to race with you guys until the end of the season. The winner is… Immanuil Antonov!
  Immanuil, I will give you the award if you answer this question right: who was the rider to score the most Flat Road Race points in a season in the last 15 seasons?
  Immanuil: Ehmm, two names pop up in my head. Royce and Braith. I know Braith had some crazy good seasons, so I will go with Braith.
  Eric: That is the right answer. Braith Rixon scored an insane 1140 Flat points in season 52.
  Immanuil: That is crazy, I only had 670 points, but the competition is very hard nowadays, so it doesn’t make me less proud. Thank you voters!
  
  Don: We will see more from Frank later, but his second game takes a little more preparation, so Peter, the floor is yours!
  
  Peter: Thanks Don! I am delighted to announce that the best time trialist of season 58 is… Bjornar Fjeld! Second was Albin Kormps, with Paul Sa’u and Xavier Izzard tied in third. Hello Bjornar, and congratulations.
  Bjornar: Thanks, I was thrilled to win the Worlds and this just adds to my season’s successes! I am so proud to have been recognised like this by the OCM community. Thank you!
  Peter: So, Bjornar, as you know, this year you need to do a little more than win races to take home the award. You need to answer a quiz question! So, what connects you taking home this award and last season’s winner, Xavier Izzard, doing so?
  Bjornar: Well, we both ride for Taiwanese teams… is that it?
  Peter: Yes, but not the one I was thinking of…
  Bjornar: O yes! I finished fourth when he won, now he has finished fourth and I’ve won!
  Peter: Correct! Congratulations, Bjornar!
  My next category to present is Best Hiller! It was a close-run thing, but Dean Jepsen is the deserved winner of the Aleksander Hetland Trophy for the Best Hiller! He held off Nicolau Oliveira in 2nd, Douwe Bruin in 3rd and Thomas Van den Plas in 4th to win. Congratulations Dean!
  Dean: Thank you so much to everyone who voted for me! I felt that I rode well consistently last season, but was surprised and thrilled to receive this award.
  Peter: So, Dean, you too have to answer a question to earn your award… which other riders have won this award twice, with their wins separated by two seasons, just like you?
  Dean: I know this! Fred Hasslebaink and Benedict Guerrero!
  Peter: Nice work! Congratulations Dean!
  
  Don: Thanks so much Peter, great job as always! Our next guest host is paceuts, are you ready p?
  
  Paceuts: Yes Don, ready as I’ll ever be! It's now time to present the Award for Best WT Rider. But with a win, three additional podiums, and one more time scoring, it was impossible to stop the leader of the WT rider standings of the season - Radko Kindl of the Czech Republic!
  
  Radko, to receive the coveted Golden Globe trophy for best World Tour rider, all you have to do is name a country in each continent.
  
  Radko: Oh, easy. Europe: Czechia. America: Brasil.
  
  ‘Uh, you're not done all the continents yet.’
  
  Radko: Really? Um.... Oh right, Africa! Namibia!
  
  ‘What about the race you won this year?’
  
  Radko: Beijing? Oh right, China! There, now I'm done!
  
  ‘Close enough! Congratulations, Radko Kindl!’
  
  Future Don: So far, so good. Some nice quiz questions to warm up the audience. The mood in the hall was good, it was time to do some more elaborate games. Frank’s game was set up, and he got back onto the stage to present his next set of results.
  
  Frank: The award for Jan-Joost Dussel Trophy for Best Sprinter will be handed out by Frederick Longosiwa, the only rider to win this award 4 season in a row!
  Frederick: Thank you very much. I know only the best can win this award which has the toughest competition. The award is won by an impressive amount of 30 votes, and I call to the podium… Immanuil Antonov!
  Immanuil, have a seat and have a go at Need for Speed. Complete the race while evading the local law enforcement in police pursuits, just like you did with your competitors in the sprint. Succeed, and you will receive your trophy.
  Immanuil: peace of cake, I can ride so fast because of my youth in Tashkent, fleeing for the police on my bike.
  Frederick: We will see. Immanuil starts the race and indeed, he seems to be very good at this game. There is a hot pursuit ongoing, but the police chasing him will not get him. And there is the finish, he did it!
  Immanuil, here is your well-deserved trophy, enjoy!
  Immanuil: Thank you, I am so happy to win this trophy, never expected this to happen in my career!
  
  Don: Thanks Frank, and let’s hope that is the last police presence of this evening, hahaha! (If only I had known what the night was still to bring.…)
  Paceuts got back on the podium, with a pretty dangerous looking ramp being set up behind him.
  
  Paceuts: Time to hand out the award for best downhiller!
  
  All nominees earned at least one vote in this category, but the winner was never in doubt. With 46 of 52 votes, the winner of The Eleonor Berka Trophy for Best Downhiller for season 59 is... Berholod Ketjijere of Goege Team!
  
  Berhold, to earn your trophy, all you have to do is take this bike and crash trying to ride it down that ramp.
  
  *Ketjijere hops on the bike and rides it down the ramp perfectly without crashing*
  
  I don't think you understood. You have to crash the bike going down the ramp.
  
  Ketjijere: "Sorry, I don't know how to crash on downhills.

But let me try again."
  
  *He goes back up and tries again. On the way down, his manager Goege shoves him off his bike.*
  
  Congratulatins Berhold, here is your trophy!
  
  Don: Quick, quick, close the curtains, before they see Berhold’s bloody (curtains close, and his voice gets lost in the crowd murmuring)
  
  10 minutes later: Ha, such fun, and if someone heard some ambulance noises, that was a really nice practical joke from one of our interns. Good one Jannik! While we make some, ehm, cleaning adjustments, on the podium, enjoy this video shot by Erwinator!
  
  Tape starts playing:
  ‘It’s not the first season this team has been nominated for the Young Team-Award, but this time they win! We meet mister Ravi Rimal, PR manager of Himalaya Bikers, near his cosy cottage at K2. "Ravi.. congrats.. how does ..[cough]... it feel to win this award?" "It's a surprise, we don't consider ourselves young anymore. Then again, we still rely mostly on our original riders for the majority of points. It's a great honour. It was not the goal to drop to div 6, but it allowed us to pick up two jerseys.". "Aha, busted! And [breathing loudly..] what has been […] the secret […ugh] of your team? [cough-cough..]". “Well, as you can see, roads are pretty never-ending steep here. So, when we go to Namibia and have to pass some pseudo-climbs in the Naukluft Mountains our men feel like that a climb has just started when they are already on top of it.” Thanks [blugh…ugh] Rimal, [coughing loudly…]. I need some oxy… [passing out].’
  
  Don: I am sure Erwin is fine after that. He is, right? Did anyone check? Wronskian, you were going to interview him for the Community Contribution Award, did you manage to get in touch? No? So what should I do with the Award he won then? Oh wll, I am sure he will turn up eventually…
  Time to move on with the show! MW, take the wheel!
  
  
  MW: "For the next game I would like to have Sergei Tereshchenko on the stage."
  "Hi Sergei, before I give you your award I would like to know how good you can play soccer/football.
  We have here a big football goal with 4 holes of 5, 10, 20 and 50 points.
  Lets see if you can hit the hole of 50 points for us.
  And there he goes ladies and gentlemen for his first attempt. Aahh 20 points. Lets try again.
  There comes his 2nd attempt and ahh again 20 points.
  C'mon Sergei you can do this. Imagine this is the last and decisive stage of a tour.
  There comes his 3rd attempt and yessss 50 points.
  Well done Sergei, here is The Eliás Márquez Trophy for Best Tour Rider.
  Congrats and I wish you the best of luck for S59."
  
  Don: Nobody got injured this time right? What did you say wronskian? Did Hermann Normann get hit by one of the balls? He blacked out? Another Award Winner down, and this time it’s the Award for Best Young Rider. Well, at least Hermann still has the youth to recover. He better be fine again before his next race for Greenland. If not, Sergei can expect some serious looking lawyers to turn up at his house!
  Can something please just go right now? Donald, save me!
  
  Donald: Typical of Don to come crying to me for help. He really needs to get himself a girlfriend for that! Or a boyfriend for I care, as long as it gets him off the street! Fine then, I’ll do the Award for the young and hopeful u23-riders now. But no more silly games! Last year it was pretty much a stomp with Gawronski dominating the other kids. This year however, it was a much closer race with 3 proper contestants. With all the corruption in cycling, particularly OCM, Gustav Atagotaaluk was the clear favourite as one of the Don's babies. With practically nothing separating 2nd and 3rd, 3rd place goes to Conrad Gwaltney with some real proper results on a not so proper team. The winner is Gustav Atagotaaluk!! As we all knew, there could be no one else. No, wait a minute! This envelope said Don awards. There is another one underneath. The real winner is the u23 World Champion, Steffe Van Lier! A very deserved winner from a rider who is far more average than he is good.
  
  Don: That hurt my feelings on so many levels! But at least nobody got hurt physically this time, so I guess I’ll thank you for now Donald. Over to you again MW, is everything ready for your next game? I hope that’s not blood in those bowls!
  
  MW: For the next game I would like 2 riders on the stage. Please welcome Lloyd Horan and Mirko Diesmann.
  Hi Lloyd and Mirko. We have a bit of a problem because I can't tell you who won at this moment. But the next game will clear that question. I don't know if you are gonna like this but we have here 2 big bowls of tomato soup. Don't worry guys, the temperature is perfect. As you are both climbers I guess you don't mind to step into this 2 big spoons and you will go up above the bowls. Yeah yeah you can do this.
  And there they go. Ok the winner will stay in the spoon and the 2nd will fall into the tomato soup.
  Please give us drum roll drummer. And both still in the spoon the drum roll goes on and...... no they both fell into the soup!What a mess haha.
  Come out the soup and take this towels because you both are the winners of The Sterling Dorsher Trophy for Best Climber. Here are your awards.
  A big applause please for these 2 good sport riders. Congrats and good luck in S59."
  
  Don: Are you sure that was a safe height to fall from MW? We don’t want to have caused any more injuries here! Let’s go to our sensible community forum manager dustin. I am sure he will do something nice and safe. What, you’re going to play Hunger Game with them???? Oh Lord….
  
  Dustin: I present you The Hunger Cycling Games part 1: Best Cobbler (censored version)
  Here we are, we start with a race game, we go play Zwift with the nominees.
  
  race 1: Antwerpen - Huy #58, ... a lot of wind, not easy to stay in the peloton, and then Gracjan put on his brakes for a moment, Napolano is confused ... he can not come back #Napolano eliminated#
  race 2: Pre-Roubaix #57, ... and we are midway, Gracjan see a lot of mud (and thinks, now), he makes a move and the mud flies in the face of ... we see a rider in the ditch ... #Zampogna eliminated#
  race 3: Strade dell´Eroica #26, the final, ... at the end, 25 kilometers to go, a steep slope ... what's happening, no no that can not be ... Uchmann having a hard time, difficult to follow, Lamme Frans come with his car and he is back ... the jury has seen it #Uchmann eliminated#
  
  And you win again, are you happy with this victory?
  Benjamim Fontes: "Yes offcourse, these are known races for me, but on this way it is different, also thanks for the trophy."
  
  Don:If that was the censored version, I do not want to see the uncensored one. Oh, there is a part two of this as well?
  
  Dustin: The Hunger Cycling Games part 2: Best Old Rider (censored

version)
  Here we are and again we enter a Zwift game with the nominees.
  
  race 1: Jerusalem Midnight Ride #33, ... hot, hot, what a temperature, Chuprov yell "thirsty, thirsty ...give me some", Miles chuckles and give somewhat ... 10 minutes later, Chuprov run to a mobilhome #Chuprov eliminated#
  race 2: Ronde van Zuid-Holland #36, ... Almada: "what shall I do" from the car, Yuri: "wait", Mark Marakus: "go", Almada again a bit later: "what shall I do" from the car, Yuri: "go left", Mark Marakus: "go right", and Almada goes straight on #Almada eliminated#
  race 3: Sagunto - Castillo de Sagunto #41 ... the final, 38 yr against 39 yr, Illingworth know it will be difficult and make a plan how he can go off his rival, and then he see a big hole in the road and try Fabio to maneuver to there but the hole comes to fast and #eliminated Illingworth#
  
  And you win again, are you happy with the trophy?
  Fabio Borges: "Yes of course, Team AEK is a great team, and yet I would like to go to team dustin"
  
  Don: Don’t you try to make some shady deals here as well. You help me out with Transfer rulings for crying out loud. What will the people think? That we are a bunch of hypocrites? Donald, you don’t think we are that bad right?
  
  Donald: I will refrain from commenting on that for now. It’s time for presenting the Best Manager popularity contest. Will it be one of the usual suspects or one of the outsiders taking it this year ? With all the good managers having quit the game, only the best of the rest could win it! The lucky winner of nothing and 4th place is Jicky! Michael with his very Czech name made it to the podium! Only 3 points separates 1st and 2nd, Wronskian and Jempie. Will it be the obvious #1 from the ranking or the outsider from Wrongbekistan ? We all like an outsider and its Wronskian taking cycling home!
  "How does it feel ?"
  "I'm feeling devastated, kind of saw it coming after having to share it last year."
  "Sorry Jempie, not you, we only interview the winners here. "
  "It obviously feels wonderful after a great season. It would obviously be better if the awards involved some kind of money, but the glory isn't too bad either. We would like to thank Uzbekistan for letting us into the country when no one else would."
  
  Don: And of course there is also a nice and fun game ready for wronskian to play! Could you please put on that blindfold wronskian? Great, thanks. We are now going to lead you through an obstacle course. It’s that way. No, no, stop, it’s the other way!!!
  (Wronskian falls off the podium).
  
  Don: Ehm, anyway, just 5 more categories to go. Wronskian, weren’t you going to present something now? Oh, he’s not able to right now? I guess I’ll have to improvise then.
  Can Dracy Zampogna please step up onto the podium? Thank you Darcy, and I want to start by congratulating you on winning The Award for Best Rider Outside Top Division? How does it feel? We don’t care, because you’re not in Top Division! Hahaha, just joking, please put on this blindfold so you can earn your prize. You don’t want to? You don’t trust me to not let you fall off the podium? Such a bad sport!
  
  Time to move on to the actual Best Rider of the Season then. Benjamim Fontes, congratulations, and please step onto the podium! No worries, no blindfold for you. We wouldn’t want someone as important as you to fall off the podium!
  (Darcy gets angry and pushes Benjamim off the podium)
  (Don orders to shut the lights in the room, and it stays dark for 10 minutes)
  (Suddenly the light turns on again and Don starts acting like nothing happens)
  Don: Just three more categories to go, and two of them have the same winner! Micheal Danner, please step onto the podium and claim your prizes for Best Tour Team and Best One Nation Team! All you need to do to claim your prizes is give me your bank account number and pin code! I will transfer the prize money to you directly!
  Micheal: Are you trying to scam me Don? I was not born yesterday!
  Don: Worth a try though! Time for one final category. And we have a very special guest host for Best World Tour manager, it’s last season's winner, MoxRacing from Denmark!
  
  Mox: Welcome to the award winning category ”World Tour manager s58” - it was a very
  close race between one of the bigger favorites, and an upcoming team with a national
  record.
  
  Big time favorite Netherlands, winner of the World Tour s58, winner of CoN s58 and
  winner of 3 stage wins and 5 podiums, against rising stars, the Czechs, runner-up CoN
  s58, no. 4 WT-A overall, and winner of 2 stage wins and 5 podiums – lets see who's
  the strongest and the toughest manager of these 2 gentlemen.
  
  We've decided to test these 2 contenders in an environment, that looks very similar to
  what they on daily basis offers their own hardworking riders. They will suffer pain, their
  lungs will cry for more oxygen and they will never know when their heart and bodies
  will give up.
  
  Ladies and Gentlemen, lets get mr Frank Holwerda, NT-coach of Holland, and mr Pekac
  B, NT-coach of the Czech republic on stage, please!
  
  On stage we've got one racebiketrainer and a podium girl for each contender. When the
  contenders are ready on their bikes, the showmaster Don H will countdown – on 3 the
  podium girls will put a clear 3 gallon plastic bag over the head of each contender, on 2
  the contenders will take their last deep breath for a while, on 1 the podium girls will air
  tight the plastic bags with gaffa tape, and on GO, the contenders are racing the fastest
  they can.
  
  The winner is the one who has completed most distance on his bike, before he is dropping
  halfdead to the ground. For the loser there is a free bottle of oxygene, and lots of cigars
  from our sponsors – and for the winner there is great honour and glory, and if necessary,
  their will be given life-prolonging first aid services from the smiling and kissing podium
  Girls.
  
  Are you ready Gentlemen, - Race till you drop – Lets GO!
  
  
  Future Don: Unfortunately I am not allowed to tell what happens next, because my lawyers say it will get me into trouble. They also told me to write here that no riders or managers were hurt during the Awards Gala. That’s obviously a lie, but apparently good enough to fool the authorities. Anyway, I hope to see you all next season! And for those confused about who won what, the full results will be posted on the forum as soon as I can.
  
  A big thanks to Peter Marcelo, Frank Holwerda, MW, The Erwinator, MoxRacing, paceuts, Donald, dustin, and wronskian (even though he unfortunately lost his contributions). Without them this would have been a pretty empty article!