Written by JonhatanHernandez of
  TeamQuetzal
  
  Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Slow… I mean, Late Show with Johnathan Hernandez!
  
  
  Monologue
  
  
  Is Sagan even human? How can you get back to back to back World Championships?! That is INSANE. Sagan is looking like MJ out there, and it is really nice to see that he went from Sagundo, always second, the eternal loser to one of the most versatile winners the world of road race has ever seen. Sagan´s style is so different, so cool, so “swaggy”. A sprinter that is also one of the greatest cobblers of the world, who can also downhill like a god and can also win in hills?! I think Sagan is the most complete rider of all time, just above Valverde. I do not think Valverde can go above him because of the cobbles and downhill. YES, Valverde climbs better, YES Valverde hills better, YES Valverde TTs better, but I would rather have Sagan on my team than Valverde. Valverde wins hilly classics and that is it. He produces in mountain, but he is not the kind of rider you want to have as GC leader, he will not win. The only GT he won was the 2009 Vuelta, and the competition was trash, the only real threat was Evans, and he finished second. (Sanchez is trash let´s face it). Sagan on the other hand can WIN in GT stages, hilly classics, cobble classics, sprint classics and on the Worlds. I would rather have Sagan.Gosh this is supposed to be comedy…Well, let´s end my analysis here and jump straight into the interview, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the one, the only… Delion!!
  
  
  
  Interview
  
  
  
  JHDZ: To start it off, how are you?
  DELION: I’m really pleased about my results since my recent comeback. I sincerely had no expectations at all to win a tour GC this season and the TvA is a gigantic surprise! I would have never bought a cobbler if Gonçalves, that I trained myself 10 seasons ago, had not miraculously appeared for sale 10 days before the tour.
  Winning Norwich-London was something I hoped for but Nys was also an underdog there, being a 35 years old nobody found on the transfer list for just 91k. Thanks to TF and things like that, you can always win without spending a lot of money in OCM! I remember when I won both the TvA and the Germany Tour for the first time more than 20 seasons ago, when “experience” didn’t even existed: I had much less money than the top10 teams and still got the most prestigious victories.
  Now I’m filthy rich, but nonetheless, I find the competition harder than ever and it’s obvious that the top managers are way smarter nowadays than in the “dumbasses era” with all the trolls who knew how to cheat but not how to play (Team revolutie…)
  
  JHDZ: What is your favorite set of tactics when in a mountain stage? What about sprint races?
  DELION: Same for both: 1 captain and 5 windbreakers. I hope a lot of managers will follow this example. Especially those in my division.
  
  JHDZ:

What has been your favorite experience or moment in OCM?
  DELION: Becoming n°1 with riders that I trained myself. I always knew that economically it was much more efficient to buy most of the riders on the OCM market. But I trained again and again because it was more fun, and it worked: Melvyn Jégou (“Melvynator”), Cristobal Zubizarreta (the best cobbler ever), Garami Gedeon (3 times WC), Claude Lafon (3 Norwich-London in a row), etc.
  
  JHDZ: Are you really French?
  DELION: Absolument et ceux qui m’ont vu en vrai peuvent le confirmer.
  
  JHDZ: Magnifique! And tell me, how does it feel to be one of the greatest managers to ever play the game?
  DELION: It’s good to be the king.
  
  JHDZ: Do you miss Melvynator? If you could, would you bring him back?
  DELION: Of course I do and of course I would!
  - He was a French cyclist able to win the greatest tour in the world and be n°1, something that I’ve not seen in the real world since my childhood.
  - After I trained him in my own unique way, he was utterly atypical and it was always an exciting challenge to find the races that would suit him the most.
  - He got some of the most unbelievable results ever, winning the GT GC twice despite a lot of rule changes between the 2 victories!
  - His never-ending stream of successes gave seizures to all the usual trolls-losers of OCM and it was so fucking fun to watch, ROFL!
  I will “bring him back” one day… As a trainer.
  
  JHDZ: What do you feel OCM is missing?
  DELION: 1) Less bugs!!! This is the greatest problem in OCM. We don’t need perpetual changes, we need a bug-free game. I’ve had unexpected results that only bugs can explain: in my favor (Melvynator winning a climbing stage, I still have no clue about how it happened) or not (Le Gall finishing ahead of 2 riders in the first 2 stages of the Vuelta and being behind both in the GC at that point! The worst thing you can imagine in a tour: beating other riders make you lose time on them…).
  2) A league of managers who would defend an ethical behavior everywhere, from deals to bugs and beyond. The cheaters were helping each other all the time at some point before they got banned one after the other. Why can’t the good guys unite?
  Maybe we could even be listened to by Nick, for a (much needed) change.
  3) An equilibrium between training riders and buying/selling them. The second way of playing is much more effective because the OCM market is far too low (teams leaving and all). Everyone have ideas to fix this but to get something done we would need such a large support that it will take time. If someone has the will needed...
  
  JHDZ: Who is your favorite OCM rider and manager?
  DELION: Rider = Melvynator.
  Manager = Yann from Matrix team. 100% fair play and honest. Not something that common. And he’s a cool guy too (we met IRL). I like Fissa too: all 3 of us have done a great job at managing the French national team and at translating the game in French (sadly, it has never been implemented AFAIK: why?)

  
  JHDZ: What makes you like cycling?
  DELION: I’m passionate about professional cycling (Tour de France…) and cycling games since I was a child. But since I left Paris, my hometown, I have some troubles finding partners for cycling board games in Fontainebleau (all my friends prefer games with elves, orcs and magic: I can’t blame them).
  
  JHDZ: Any plans for the future of your team?
  DELION: Winning stages and races I’ve never won before like Paris GP, the Essex stages or the WC ITT (my strategy there is pretty straightforward: 6 TTers in TF every season until I drop dead). After sometimes, I will probably take a big break for a while again, that’s why I only hired old guys.
  
  
  
  Would you Rather...
  
  
  
  Now, the game of today: Would you Rather! Y´all know the rules so let us jump straight into it!
  
  JHDZ: Play Minecraft or Roblox?
  DELION: I never played any of those. I’m really really really into cycling board games, that’s not a joke!
  
  JHDZ: Control emotions or weather?
  DELION: Emotions: if everybody (especially at the top) started to really care about global warming, the weather would not go to hell like it does.
  
  JHDZ: Be killed in a Saw movie or in a Final Destination one?
  DELION: Never saw any of those.
  I despise torture porn. It appeals to the worst instincts of mankind (and it’s the opposite of a good turn on for my girlfriend unlike some series).
  
  JHDZ: Be covered in feathers or fur?
  DELION: Fur, it’s more sensual.
  
  JHDZ: Just like me. Not brush your teeth for a month or not taking a shower for a month? (Eww)
  DELION: First one because of the consequences: I’d rather fuck without kissing than the opposite.
  
  JHDZ: Attend Harvard or Yale?
  DELION: Harvard for the Massachusetts spirit (but Yale is more my kind of architecture).
  
  JHDZ: Own Google or Apple?
  DELION: Google, the more power the better.
  
  JHDZ: Own Disney or Microsoft?
  DELION: Disney, I could force them to make a new version of Star Wars episode 7 without plagiarizing the episode 4 this time. They’ll have to keep Rey and BB-8 of course. Ah, Rey….
  
  JHDZ: Get severe frostbite or terrible burns?
  DELION: Frostbites, because I like “cold wave” (see below).
  
  JHDZ: Listen a whole day to Justin Bieber or Rebecca Black?
  DELION: I’ve never listened to their "music" (?) in all my life. I’m into cold wave like Joy Division, quite different. For the “Black” in the name of Rebecca, I chose the latter (if you didn’t already know, “Drapeau Noir” means “Black Flag”).
  
  JHDZ: And that is it for today, thank you very much for being here Delion, and thank YOU for reading and see ya, on the next one!