Written by myman of logoloos, Jolla Hawkbane of Hells Grannies, Bart of De Botterballetjes, Michael Gold of AusGo, Michael of English Sprinting Team and main writer Don Hamster of Schiavi di Don
  With great thanks to committee members Yann, Levi Armstrong, Ozgur, Michael, Simon de Montfoort, and hhauge.
  
  You lucky readers are the witnesses of major change. When people ask ‘Were you there when the Awards Gala went all weird?’ you can answer it with a definitive yes. Not that is hasn’t been weird before, but whatever. Because this season, there is no Awards Gala. There are multiple Awards Galas, all over the world. We have five reporters who have covered 10 categories, while I stayed in the beautiful city of Florence, where the main event with a fancy big screen was being held on the equally beautiful Piazza Vecchio (that square where a lot of people were hung up, in case you forgot).
  When noon fell, the Gala started and on the screen, the first reporter showed up;
  
  Hello everyone!
  My name is Bart and I will tell you who wins the Best Cobbler Award and which rider was the best Old Rider. I’m sitting in a large couch in the mansion of Christobal Zubizaretta, who resides just outside of Madrid. The Spanish cobbler giant is nominated again for this award, after three consecutive wins in this category. A fourth victory would make him a living legend, such as Sieuwerd Schimmel in the seasons 15 till 19 was. I’m getting the results now through my earphones. What a surprise! Zubizaretta ‘only’ finishes third in ‘his’ category. Qi Yiqun, fourth previous season, wins the prestigious Cobbler Award and with his young age (26) in mind, the proud of small nation of Hong Kong will be a nasty competitor on this terrain for the next five or six seasons to come. But Zubizaretta is out on revenge and he started off season 31 very well indeed.
  
  He grumbles something I can’t hear and is curious where his colleague cobbler Sigurd Guldhammer ended up in the category for best Old Rider. The 34-year old Dane has rode an excellent season for Jonas Pro Cycling and that’s remarkable, knowing that cobbles aren’t Jonas main cup of tea. He is now rewarded by the second spot in the election of best Old Rider, after he became third on the previous gala. Club legend Brian Hitchens nearly won the Award in season 27, perhaps Guldhammer could make it happen in season 31. But best Old Rider this season was Italy’s current best rider Sandro Montelbano. Sir Sandro was the first rider to win both Cymru Taith and the Essex Tour. This season Montelbano won Essex Tour for a ninth time and his manager is undoubtedly aiming for a tenth win over there. Caroll Mullan, winner of the Award for the elderly in both seasons 28 and 29, retired. Over and out from me, and have fun over there in Florence!
  
  You might think Zubizaretta’s living room is an odd place for the Awards Gala to be held, but as you’ll probably find out in a moment, we kind of blew the budget on some of the other locations. Meanwhile, here in Florence, it is time for the Award for Best Young Rider. This category is the first of three categories in which Frederick Longosiwa and Santiago Campelo are both nominated. But they have strong competition from the likes of François Gassana, who won three Youth Classifications during the season, an incredible feat.
  But enough chit-chat, the winner is Frederick Longosiwa! The young Kenyan stormed up the ranks and has three more chances to get an Award today. Will this be an Awards Gala he’ll never forget?
  We’ll find out as the evening goes along, but first, it’s over to another reporter, Jolla Hawkbane and he got very lucky indeed.
  
  This season, the awards for Best Hiller and Best Breakthrough Team were held on the sunny, sinking islands of the Maldives. A surprisingly high amount of the riders and staff from the nominated teams has been all too eager to come to the gala with the luxury weekend such a visit would entail, and many riders

has tried to insist that seeing as teams now can change their base of operations, they should use this opportunity to stay on the Maldives for as long as possible. One rider, a mister Cory Carter from team Elmeros, has been quoted as saying “ah well, sod it. I ain’t got any frikkin’ races on my schedule so I’ll just stay here and work on my tan while you lot head for Finland and the likes.”
  
  A grand total of 42 representatives from 10 different teams made their way to Malé, the teams are as follows: Team Drop It, LFC Rado Team, Starmans, Bing Team and Elmeros, who were all nominated for Best Breakthrough Team, and NECFTW, Hells Grannies, Nobodies, PEKAC B and IndieRock who all had one nominee each for Best Hiller.
  
  Sam Duncan from Hells Grannies and Jimmi Broders of Nobodies are arguably two of the most gifted hillers on the OCM cycling scene, and it was no wonder that the bookkeepers made them early favorites to win the award this season with very strong performances from both of them. Mano Losada (of PEKAC B), a young prodigy, was also on everyone’s lips after the season he has had considering his age, but the jury, consisting of a variety of managers from a variety of teams found him to be a little light in competition with the more experienced hillers, but he is definitely a name to watch in the coming seasons. In the end SAM DUNCAN won, in front of JIMMI BRODERS, BENJAMIN KERVEL, ZEFERINO SARAIVA and MANO LOSADA, respectively.
  
  When it came to the award for Best Breakthrough Team it seemed for a long time that it would be an exclusively Norwegian affair with Elmeros and Bing Team neck-and-neck and Team Drop It some way behind in third as the points were being read up by historical triple winner of the Germany Tour Elias Márquez. However, a late surge from the Dutch team Starmans saw them climb past Team Drop It, and also narrowly beating Bing Team, however at this point Elmeros was already the runaway winner. The final ranking read ELMEROS as the winners, with STARMANS, BING TEAM, TEAM DROP IT and LFC RADO TEAM in the following places.
  Now I’m off partying on the beach, see you later alligator!
  
  Jolla made us all very jealous indeed with getting to chill out on the Maldives and winning an Award with one of his riders. The spectators in Florence were pretty pissed off by this, as it started raining cats and dogs and everyone was wet to the bone. So in an effort to cheer things up, we got some cheerleaders to announce the winner in the next category, that of Frederick Longosiwa, err, I mean, Best Breakthrough Rider. Oh crap, I just spoiled it. Let’s just move on to the next reporter then and let’s hope he’s as soaked as the rest of us.
  
  Hi, it’s Michael from AusGo reporting live from my holiday in Kenya. I have the opportunity to present to you two of the awards today, The Gregory Levis Trophy for Best Time Trialist and the Best WT Rider. I’ll firstly start off with The Gregory Levis Trophy for Best Time Trialist. Third place went to Sven Ørsted with 45 votes. Second was Rene Schimmel with 63 votes. Finally, the prize for best time-trialist goes to Lech Wieçkowski, last year’s runner up with 87. Also, the other who were in contention for the prize, Michel Archer and Macerio Sota, got votes of 43 and 24 votes respectively. Now moving onto the award for best WT rider. Third prize goes to Quinty Franken with 40 votes. Second prize goes to Øystein Ottesen with 52 votes. The first prize goes to Fonzo Mejia, who nearly doubled the votes of second with 101 votes. It is also worth mention Carlton Cambridge and Arild Selnes who were elected for the WT category and got 22 and 16 votes respectively.
  Michael over and out, live from Kenya
  
  Well, that didn’t go according to plan. Another reporter in the sunshine made my crowd incredibly angry. The fact he wasn’t eaten by a lion or ran over by some zebra’s got them disappointed too and so it was time for desperate measures. I knew of one reporter who had to go to two separate locations, one of which therefore couldn’t be live and was very

cold indeed. Over to our pre-recorded tape with myman!
  
  For the award for the Best Rider Outside Top Division we are on the Col de la Madeleine, where this year’s winner had his biggest victory of this season. But before revealing is name, this year’s winner wants to take us back to day 58 of season 30, the day of his victory. ‘It was a sunny day, ideal for an African rider. His legs felt great and when he launched his final attack nobody could follow and he crossed the finish line with a big smile.’ Today I see this big smile again. Ammar Zenagui congratulations with your trophy. Back to you Don, let’s hope my next stop will be less cold!
  
  At this time, the river Arno was about to flood and the crowd very much wanted to go away. Luckily, I hired some good security guards that made sure nobody left the festivities before they were over. Over to our next reporter, another Michael!
  
  Welcome! We’re live from England! The two awards are the Sterling Dorsher trophy for best climber and the Elias Márquez trophy for best tour rider. Unfortunately I couldn’t get the legendary riders that the title of the awards are named after, but I did manage to get in touch with Rolf Enoch and Desmond Ledgerwood.
  
  I will now hand the mic to Enoch to announce the best climber award! Enoch take it away!
  “Thank you for inviting me! I’ve been a bit board at the moment, so let’s get it underway! In fifth place is Jerry Grundin with 13% of votes. Joint third place is Venancio Bento and Elroy Heidel with 15%. Ejnar Rosenborg got second place with 26% making Laurend Bourgois the winner with 32%! Congrats to Belgian rider!”
  
  Desmond Ledgerwood will now present the best tour rider award!
  “Here we go boys and girls! In fifth place is Dollah Zainal with 14% of votes. Just a few votes more makes Carmine Damiano fourth with 14,2%. Irish hill sprinter Philbert Seaman is third with 18%. Elroy Heidel and François Gassana are the two remaining candidates. Both had great tour seasons, but it’s the Englishman who takes home the win with 31% of votes. Gassana got 23% of votes.”
  
  Thanks you two! Back to Don in the pouring rain!
  
  Thank you very much Michael…..
  If it wasn’t for the security guards, I would have had to outsprint the winner of the next category to get away alive. Best Sprinter is another Campelo vs. Longosiwa battle and the win goes to the Kenyan again! Three Awards already, will he make it four? But now it gets exciting for his manager, because myman is live now with the Best Manager category!
  
  The award for Best Manager of the season is one of the easiest awards. We are in Nairobi, hometown of Nairobi City Cycling Club. Methode have had a wonderful season. He got a stunning total of 35 results of which 15 victories. He won 5 races and the SC of the Germany Tour with his talent Frederick Longosiwa. So it is only logical that Methode won this award with twice as many votes as Oliver B, who also had a great season.
  Back to you Don, it looks like you’re having bucket loads of fun there!
  
  Really? Did he get to go to Kenya too? And then the pun, agonizing.
  But it’s time for the final category to put me out of my misery. Best Rider of the season and it’s Longosiwa vs. Campelo again, although they are joined by number one of the ranking Laurend Bourgois this time. It’s up to me to announce the winner and when I open the envelope I don’t bother to read what’s in. Surely it’s Longosiwa who wins again. But when I call him on the the stage, some people start to look awkwardly towards me. The point at the piece of paper I have on my hand and I look at it. Wait… It says Santiago Campelo there. Oh dear, a monumental cock-up. When I try to tell the crowd I’ve made the mistake, even the guards can’t control their rage anymore. When these kind of things happen, there is only one thing left to do. Run away!
  See you next season!